Has this ever happened to you? You're going along just fine, creative juices flowing, things coming together, results pleasurable and creativity continues.....you go on for months thinking you could live like this for a lifetime. Then something happens, you don't know what, you have no clue even if you scan your entire horizon, there is no explanation for the sudden drop, fall, to your knees. No creativity, you don't even want to think about it, you feel exhausted, and food and other pleasures lose their joy. You think, ok, its just a phase, I'll get out of it in a day or so. When it goes on for weeks, you start to be concerned.
This is what has been happening to me, for me? for weeks now. I have no idea what happened. I was on a new platform and then something just happened and I found myself stagnant.
Today was no exception. Except today I found a relief.....it was, from nothing less than the panacea for all life, the music of the Mother's creatures.
I prayed for release, I begged for relief. Nothing. I got online to my beloved women bloggers for inspiration and saw beautiful things, but they were not mine.....in other words, I was not part of the creative beauty and this was not me. I'm known for being creative and inventive, always creating beauty. This stuck place is no place for me. So browsing through blogland, and seeing such beauty and grand feelings being expressed was making me smile for them, I love to see others happy. But I was finding myself still in a gray place once back to my self.
I went out to the front porch and begonia flowers were everywhere and I decided to sweep. The winds blew them back in. I could not even lose patience. I simply froze in place and waited for the winds to stop, then continued. They blew back in what I swept, I froze again, then swept again.....again winds, again I froze. I was not going to lose it. I was already too long in grayland. I needed to move my mind into the zone. I did.
I asked Spirit......''what do I need''....and I think I heard, ''you need to cleanse''......for me, this means, purifiying, sauna, sweating, water, juicing, and light thoughts. I am taking detoxifying herbs right now and maybe they're working on a very deep layer of my cells bringing to the fore something I didn't know was there. It's possible. Only I can't take it. I decided to let go, abandon the creative creatrix for now, and focus on my Self, and cleanse.
I finished sweeping......I did....and all the begonia and bougainvillea flowers went out and the porch is clear for a while.
I went straight to my room and changed to use my far infrared sauna instead of going into the sun because its late in the day and I wanted quick heat and walls.....walls for a cave like and cozy feeling. I needed the lap of the Mother.
I have a CD in my sauna that I keep for mind therapy while using it.....and it worked. Very often, I forget what I need....very often we all do....and often not ever realize what we need because we've never had it. Some have it and know it when they need it.....some need for example to return to the forest to revive their spirits.....or the open plains, wherever the landscapes have nurtured them in the past.
I'm speaking of the healing sounds of the Mother's creatures, in this case the sounds of whale song. I find their sounds and songs to be one of the most wonderfully soothing and calming, grounding and civilized sounds on this planet. My CD went on, I heard the whales, and soon I was breathing.....deep sigh-ful breathing.....the breath that releases......the breath that cleanses......the breath that soothes and relieves the body/mind of troubles both known and unknown.
All these weeks something has been ailing me, and I don't know what.....but I also didn't know what I needed. Knowing what one needs often can tell you what is ailing you. In this case I realized.....as I sat purifying in my Temple/Sauna, cleansing and sweating away toxins, and heating up, stimulating all my glands to perform and assist them in doing all beneficial things for me.......I realized.....that I had been far too much in a creative mode, in a forced imaginative process.....and this is taxing to ones spirit. My spirit became exhausted from performing for months.....it needed respite, rejuvenation and inspiration. This always comes from Nature. I however, was not engaging Nature in my process of creationing.....and I suffered for it, and fell.
Now I needed Her medicine. And it comes.....to me in whale song.....the soothing expansive sounds of timelessness. I listened, I was soothed. I was given Grace......the divine kind.
What I realized is that I was being too provincial in my thinking and processes, not taking the Spirit with me, which has its own way of functioning into the whole. I was forcing the creative process selfishly. I suffered for it.
I realize now that my spirit needed to be free.....of me.....to gather its own inspiration in its own way. It needed to fly with the birds, to feel the winds through my feathers...with them. I needed to scan the horizons with eyes high up. I needed to soar past landscapes at great speed with great calm.
I needed to swim in the abyss and depths of the massive ocean with the mighty whales to be rocked by their eternal and timeless songs. I needed Nature with me.
Who am I on my own? I am only something divine with the whole.....with the Mother, with Nature.....when all are included in everything I do. I am sorry I left them out. I am sorry.
|Ashes and Snow source|
I realized I was trying to do amazing things alone. It doesn't work, not for me.
I have cleansed released, and now I shall soak and take in....soak in the heavenly salted waters. I shall soak in sea salts and epsoms, to rejuvnate, remineralize, and re electrify my self. I will feel better. I do already. I am about to enter the bath which is already drawn, hot and salted. I have faith in the salt of the Earth.
''The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea.'' ~ Isak Dinesen..
In this day, it is all......sweat to cleanse, the salt to purify, and tears....will have to come later when relief has taken over this body, mind and soul.
Please enjoy this gift from Ashes and Snow
Let us never forget our Spirits are sewn indelibly within the fabric of Nature, and we can do nothing without Her.