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"Where better to care for the soul than in the details of our daily lives?....The soul has an absolute, unforgiving need for regular excursions into enchantment. It requires them like the body needs food and the mind needs thought... An enchanted world is one that speaks to the soul, to the mysterious depths of the heart and imagination where we find value, love and union with the world around us. As mystics of many religions have taught, that sense of rapturous union can give a sense of fulfillment that makes life purposeful and vibrant." ~ Thomas Moore.

Monday, July 30, 2018

My New Life July 2018

Note: This is not a pretty post, its not filled with pretty pictures, its about my life. I love my Little Fairy Cafe blog especially since I began it with an intention to journal my life just a bit even though online, (I'm not computer savvy and didn't know blogs could be public) so I am wanting to keep my blog a bit updated however brief, so here is a bit, from a forthecoming book I will write one day.

Helllllloooooooo People !

Its been a while, a lot of "life" happening too often, too fast and all has been too much in general, but I am here posting because some of my friends want to know what is happening, where I am living, how, pics of the new place and what I'm doing. Here now, I will tell as much as I get ready, get a large coffee or tea because I think this will be a long one and with lots of pics. I always like to be succinct but once I get to talking and no one is stopping me, I tend to get into more details, but some have asked for here goes.
In fact I think I will make my self a cup of tea right back....

Tea is on.....and while I wait a bit, I will say a very Happy Helllooooo to all of my friends who have asked about me and what is happening and blog, I welcome and thank you for being here and even remotely interested.

I will start with a caveat that I can't tell all of my experiences as I don't want to start a war with something that would make a war out of total megalomaniac afflictions, so I use prudence. The point being to keep as much peace in my world. But I will say that nothing can be exaggerated enough to describe this....... ummm......ahem....."learning curve" shall we say? You cannot possibly know of what I speak unless you lived it. Nothing else compares.

Back with tea and a huge to begin......
well I am here in a new home, new home I can say as I co-own this place with John.....John ! people! how can I even begin to express how a lethargic sloth of 15 years, stepped up and out once I left his house? Made miracles happen a year later? He didn't even know he had it in him.
For those who don't know I moved out of Florida to TN in June of 2017 with 2 lady friends into their house so we could team up and do house flippings. But I went from the frying pan to fire. So many things went wrong, and the energetics of everything made me sicken and get worse in every way. I got so sick, my hip joint mystery got worse, my hair started falling out, I became lethargic and was not interested in the most beautiful things. I was not myself. I developed eye problems as well which were an indication of the sickness of my soul. The eye doc said nothing was wrong. The problems with my eyes were my soul, whose life was being sucked out by energetic vampires and that is the crux of all the moving around and my silence of the past year. Yes, they are real. It was horrendous. I was literally dying. I got out just in time.

When I left Johns house, I thought I'd never see him again and he thought the same. It was an amicable parting since I had to leave due to the planes noise driving me insane all day every day living by the airport and the flyovers all day long every day.
He thought he'd just go into his usual ways, being alone and be fine. I thought I'd go into a new venture with others to do house buying/flipping and have a creative life and career. Both of us were more than totally, even dimensionally off the mark. Goes to show what you focus on does not materialize, but that other things your mind and brain could NEVER conjure can come to slap you upside the head so hard, your entire sense of what is real and what is not is fully on the table with equal measure.

Turns out John was human after all and the other I thought was, wasn't. We both had our worlds flipped upside down for different reasons and then both realizing we work better least as domestic mates we do. There is so much to tell about this story that it has become a book, a literal book. My friends throughout the years have always told me I need to write a book, albeit about different things, so what to write? when I hate writing??.....well, this last experience has made me want to write. I actually want to write the book about all this and I even have a title already.

I have taken long before writing this post because I didn't want to speak too know, murphy and all his I kept quiet. But at this point, should I die now, I could now say I finally know what it feels like when things go right....when things work out, when they go smoothly, as they should without hitches, glitches, interference, etc etc.

I know what it feels like now to take a safe deep breath, never had before, ever. I know what it feels like to own something and have a blank canvas to play with, to get creative with and to have at least one person who enjoys my creativity as his own quality of life. I know what it feels like now, to have quiet, and peace, and I mean quiet that is all the time like I like it, not sporadic or broken up with sounds of people or their machines, but all day every day quiet, the predictable kind.... still quiet. I check about a dozen times every day, looking out the windows front and back to see if it is real, if I am still here in the middle of 5 acres of green grass surrounded by dozens and dozens of fully mature trees, and woods and the deer who live in them, and yes, I am still in the middle of this healing green and it is still quiet, after 2 months. I've never experienced such a thing. Quiet and silence and peace were literally moments in my previous 59 years, and they were too precious and too few. Now, the quiet is here all the time, the main presence and foundation of this place, along with the green beautiful.

The House:
Once John said there was a store opening in Gainesville, I told him to take it instead of waiting for one to open in TN where I was living, he began the process and he pounded on that like a bull. This fragile, negligent, lethargic, workhorse, turned into the Taurus bull of his nature and got things done. What!?
I was not able to do anything. He had alot to do on his own and I did not for one second believe he would do it all, I mean this is the guy who breaks down in frustration with red lights in traffic, who will put off mowing a small lawn until he gets a city notification. In the 15 years of living with him, it took countless directives to get him to mow his tiny lawn.
What he had to do now was titan-ish for even the most efficient person. He had to secure his job first, get his truck in driving condition which was delayed by 2 weeks due to parts availability!, put his own house on the market for sale, pack and store his things somehow, search and find a house in Gainesville, come to Tennessee to help me finish packing my things and store them, both of us drive to Gainesville in time to close on some house neither of us had time to search for, move us in, then start his new job.....ALL IN 3 WEEKS TIME. Hellooooo?? can anyone conceive of that amount of work? especially for someone like John!!!!!!!!! To top this all off, he had to accomplish all of this while still working full time. I went into despondency because I knew he would never get it done and my chances of getting out of TN and into my own safe and clean space was nil.
But the Taurus Bull and something else came to life. (I get chills). John himself said something took over him and he did everything he could methodically and did not stop. He encountered delay after delay, no help from anyone, his car in the shop for 2 weeks, and endless sabotage every step and yet he did what even would shame heroes to accomplish. Something very intense and strong took him through this, knew the importance of this for saving my life and his own......and it was all done. I am still IN AWE.

What happened was, once he said he would apply for the Gainesville position, and once he said he got it, then the next thing is finding a place to live right? Do we stay in a hotel first so we have time to search for a house? Does he do this alone and then find one and then come get me in TN? If so then it gets expensive for hotel and he knows no one else he could bunk with for that time. How to do this?? I got online to get an idea of houses. I didn't know what to do, how one goes about such things as finding a house. I've always rented or lived with someone do people find houses? I've heard nightmare stories about how long it takes and how many houses one sees to find the right one, location wise, size wise, price wise, etc does not simply choose a house from a picture and land there.
I got online feeling lame, looking at locations near his job knowing it had to be close because he hates the commute and I wanted him to be free of that one thing that torments him, was the drive to work and I looked and saw pictures. I found something that was cheaper than what he had his house on the market for and sent him the link to see. He said it was a nice size but was not interested. I looked further and found nothing that had requirements that I needed which were more than his. I needed to be away from traffic and noise, from men and machines. I wanted space to plant gardens and trees. He couldn't care less he's never home. The house had to have at least 3 bedrooms, one for each of us and a quest room, and had to be move in condition. No fixer uppers like his last. He wanted a 2nd bathroom and a window over the kitchen sink. The location, price, etc. We each had a wish list we didn't even tell each other about, I'll get to that later. ( I realize I didn't get into this, but if any are interested I will post another one about this fun bit). But the basics were proximity to job, away from street and traffic and people, space inside and 3 bedrooms.

I got online again, searching neighborhoods driving time to his job etc, and found a house that wasn't there before, similar to the first but this one was cheaper and had blue shudders on the windows and I sent it to John. He wasn't impressed. I gave him the name and number of the broker and asked him to at least speak with her and possibly line up other homes to see, make a connection there and start the process, please! They do that don't they? I listed the pros of the house to try to find out why he was resistant, to no avail. He wasn't impressed at all with that house. Upon deeper questioning which always pushes his annoyed button he had a "thing" against modular homes. I said what's the problem when most homes out here are modular? We both need to make an immediate departure, we don't have time. This prolonged things. Whenever we spoke which was about once a week, ( I know, but he's not one to have conversation, though he tolerates mine more now).....I tried to find out what he wanted from a home and what he was doing to find one? Nothing. He looked online once, on his terrible laptop which basically was 10 years old and froze every 30 seconds, and found one house with 2 pictures total, both of the outside and the house was not only right next to houses on all sides, but the street was 10 feet away. NOT. So he didn't know how to go about this either.

What he finally decided, without telling me was to do a quick sale on his house, and finally called that broker in Gainesville to at least get ideas, and possibly see that one house with the blue shudders and take it from there. I was so helpless! I couldn't do what I usually do to help him, he was overwhelmed with so much to do and had never organized himself before. I went into despair.
We had 2 weeks now.
What I didn't know was that he had called that broker and put a deposit on that house. Without seeing it, he just wanted a location to land and he went and did it. I was floored? flabbergasted? shocked? appalled? impressed? On one hand I didn't care where we landed as long as I was out of that house I was in and in another of my own, and on the other I didn't want to experience any more things going wrong, or not working or anything that needed fixing etc. I was far too sick and weak and traumatized from my past year and years before that, and my body systems were failing. I needed a safe haven. He, needed to just make sure he got to work on s specific day otherwise they'd fire him if he failed to show up. Well how does he do all of this while still working full time ??!?!?!?!? I found out the name of his supervisor at work and explained that he cannot be working right now, he has a transfer to work on, a house to sell, and things to pack, a house to buy and he has to fly to TN to pack and move another household, then get to Gainesville, close on a house we havn't got yet......and HE CANNOT BE WORKING RIGHT NOW, WHY ISN'T HIS APPLICATION FOR VACATION NOT APPROVED !!!! I also had this conversation with John as calmly as I could to speak with his bosses to explain all this as he is never one to speak up and out, and the next day he called me to tell me his last work day was Sunday, 3 days away and now he has an extension of another week or so to make all this happen.

So......we moved into a house in a city we'd never been to, and which was only the 2nd picture I saw online that was worth considering. He put a deposit on it, without seeing it and before it was inspected.........what could go wrong? !!

Actually in this case NOTHING. All went smoothly, and 2 months later as it turns out, what seemed folly based on lack of experience, lack of time, lack of organization, desperation and jumping without looking, worked out, because this house is revealing its charms slowly, and how unbelievably perfect some things are.

I'm getting too much into this one aspect, but I wanted to give you an idea of the stress on top of trauma for me this has been, and for him stress.

However now I will show pictures of the house. These are from the pics online.
We called it the house with the blue shudders. I'm not crazy about this blue, but others are, but I will paint the shudders a nice turquoise blue when things cool down.

My favorite part of this house was that the kitchen was already white and the utility room which I've never had is inside the house as our last were outside on back porch. But there is so much space here. Our last house had only one narrow 7" drawer in kitchen. I was very clever in keeping things organized and neat. Here we have lots of space. I even want an island in the middle as it seems so bare. :D:D:D

This is the back of the house. That carport which I thought such an ugly structure though useful to keep my car under, is turning out to be my favorite hangout. You'll see why. I don't understand though why they didn't put shudders on the back and have such ugly stairs.....we'll have to fix that.

All is not done, but is livable and very cozy now.
The rains and thunderstorms.....well they're taking getting used to because I've never seen so many storms like this, daily, not even in South Florida all these past years.....its a bit scary, but then everything makes me jumpy. The storms batter the windows directly, never experienced that kind of noise and only panes of glass separating me from that violent storm? scary indeed! John needs to put up awnings on the windows and especially the sliding doors, the sun is brutal, not very good to sit out there for long. And I have developed sensitivity (cause I don't have enough) and experience real heat exhaustion, learned the hard way.

So now with my things in, I have some pictures. This is before we planted Italian Cypress, topiary and urns with flowers....... 

....and after........

This is all the landscaping I want to do for this year, I want to see how things go.

On the side of the house I planted Sky Pencil Holly, they're small but will grow. Also the yellow Thryalis which I love because they are fragrant and can take lots of sun and heat.

 I had two heavy cement urns I planted with palm to mark the halfway point of the driveway. It is an elegant hello.


Such a nice corner to do laundry and this has a closet to the left which we love having. We have closets here, did I mention that? Some walk ins! The previous house had only one, aside from tiny bedroom ones.

 I don't like seeing store containers, labels etc, so I remove everything and put them in glass containers with disolvable labels. So much cleaner and tranquil.

My room.

 View from window......

 Guest room.

Johns' room, god bless him....this will get the work it needs very shortly.

My bathroom with a Roman Tub.....I need baths as it turns out. Seems the salts and minerals make me feel renewed like nothing else does. It also removes 90% - 100% of my pains and helps me to sleep, so I love taking them. I will have to get this working soon. Needs lots of water, but idiot genius' installed a kitchen faucet and so it trickles and one cannot fill a tub this way. We have to fill a 5 gallon bucket from the other bathroom on the other side of the house and trek it to this tub when I need to take a bath. We're working on it....when john "gets around" to changing the faucet to a high volume one, it may work as it should. Plumber was here said its a job he wouldn't like. sigh.
But the light is so bright in all the rooms, and I can have plants inside the house now, not just outside.
This is how the bathroom was.........

The door to the closet inside the bathroom....I hung a crochet curtain panel I love.....

Needs organizing but I'm working on it.

Well, thats the house and how we live now.....all in the middle of 5 acres of grass and trees which is especially beautiful.

We do however have to mow those lawns and these people out here in country have some serious equipment. John had to buy a rider mower, but it turns out he likes it :D:D:......a new toy, he rides around. Even I have to do some because no way he can do it all himself. Takes two days if we really put our minds to it, but so far we haven't been able to. We either run out of gas, its too hot, or it rains, or we're too tired......its alot of grass. If we stay here, I will have to see about planting more trees.....which we started......I planted two Weeping Willows which need around 50 feet of space which we have, and I adore how they blow in the wind. We also planted a Leyland Cypress. They have yet to fill out....will take years, but are supposed to be among the fast growing trees.
I also planted Arborvitae by each post by the carport which is my new hangout.....they should fill out and look beautiful.....My new favorite in the plant kingdoms are the them!!

And this is where I play the most, under the carport. We got two potting benches since we had to leave the one we built together at the other house, sadly, I loved it. But moving on....I have these two, where I can keep my things and they are covered mostly. See the third Italian Cypress here? the perfect spot for it on the backside of the house right next to the stairs and I can see it and talk to it every time I come out.....they do give good company you know,,,,they are just a bit stoic.

Bare stairs, with no place to sit in shade, very hot and no gardens.......

We planted our beloved herbs close to the house, but soon realized they were frying and burning in the relentless all day sun with no we had to add ugly shadecloth, now they are staying green. See Mr. Cypress? I love him there......

This carport has turned out to be very useful! I am planting a Wisteria at the corner, to grow over it.....waiting on john's help to create supports for it though.

 This is the all day shade part. I planted boxes of mixed salad greens that have sprouted beautifully. Thats another thing going right....seeds are sprouting and growing. Must be the well water!

And the very small aborvitae at both ends. Can't wait till they grow and fill out for more evergreen beauty.

And I know there were more details than some cared for, but some of my friends asked for those so there they are. Saves me repeating the story also......which hasn't really been told, is a book forthcoming, but how I am, where I'm living, and how its going is here. Things are finally going right....and thats an entirely new sensation for me. I keep expecting something to glitch, but not yet....quite the opposite....when we work on something it gets fixed. When we're looking for something in the stores like the Cypress, we find them, when we speak of something, it shows up.....its "wow" all the time now.

I guess because.........