Chronicles of the Workings of the Real Fae, part 2 Epilogue and Present

~ all of these Chronicles were written on the same day in the first week of February which I have broken up into parts I'm slowly publishing here. There are dates added to the later asterick* notes because this is the part I am chronicling as they happen.



Part 2 Still Not Pretty:

Recovering from the past years and all the traumas I'd been through and never acknowledged, just moving on as if nothing had happened was how I (coped) handled  it all. I wanted to be away from those planes driving me insane with grinding gut wrenching noise all day every day over head circling my house, and away from john the zombie. These were the two things I really needed to escape from. But these traumas of past and present and all the paranormal things took everything I had left out of me, and that move to TN in May of 2017  I thought was a new fresh beginning, was actually going into the fire from the pan. All this caught up with me when I moved to TN in 2017. That is where it got worse. I was very sick and my body could not heal. It was degenerating bit by bit, losing hair, teeth moving around, my skins drying and wrinkling all of a sudden, no matter how much water I drank I could not hydrate, and many other things. My mermaid looks were gone. I couldn't walk due to some hip agony, chronic all over pains 24/7 and no where near any friends. I was devastated. I spent the entire year lying down in bed, except to buy foods, then back to bed.

I have been living on 300-500$ a month for years and when I moved to TN it became less. My car started to have many problems. Every time I got money, it went to car repairs. Five times in one year it was in the shop for many hundreds of dollars each time.

Something was causing me sheer terror. I once felt I needed to escape and quick, so I quickly gathered a few items tossed them into a bag and went to my car intending to drive to a hotel somewhere, but the car wouldn't start. I had to go back into the house. More trauma.

It was a desperate plea to john to help me move out of that house, and I helped with ideas. He said if he got a job in Gainesville, he would sell his house in Pembroke and move and I could be back in a house with him, which was something I didn't want but he was a safer choice than where I was. We did....that is a whole other story. I got out. And for three months, he was a friend. But only for 3 months. Then he was back to zombie. Sigh. So this house in isolation is what I have. Lets deal.

So being in this house with all this land, 5 acres of old farmland, I thought could become a paradise of gardens in short time. But turns out these lands are riddled with fire ants who sting not bite, and they have a venom that is poisonous and turns out I am highly allergic to it. So every time I went to garden or just to weed, hundreds of ants come out and sting, I'd get bit and it would land me in bed with flu like symptoms for 2 days. I literally could not get out of bed again for many reasons. When I thought gardening would be therapeutic, it was toxic. What a curse. I really didn't know what to do. The bites leave scars also which I hate. I finally learned that as soon as I get bit I have to run in and take some liquid propolis and a teaspoon of manuka honey, its the only thing that can reduce the symptoms. Bed was the only place of sanctuary for the following year from 2018 May to recently. I understand those who don't get out.



Then I got a cat. I've loved cats since they are so warm and affectionate and thought it would be good for me since my last cat was literally taken from me and killed I won't go into that. So we adopted one from the garden center at 6 weeks old. I named her Sarah. This little one could not have been more of a terror. There was no little cuddly thing there, only a willful, domineering, independent, tear up everything, and mad dash break and fall things cat. I was too sick for this and could not get her to calm down. She tore up my nerves which were at nil. She left me shaking. The worse part being she hates being held, hates affection, does not want to be touched. I was gifted for my birthday by a friend a reading from an animal psychic to understand this cat, and when the woman connected with this cat she made it clear she does not care for me, doesn't need to care for or love her, but especially doesn't like to be held and doesn't want affection and will not be affectionate, the best thing would be to put her in a shelter and let a better match adopt her. We had her fixed, intending to give her to a shelter, but she seemed to calm down a lot, so we kept her. A year later she still is distant and fiercely independent. She is redeemable in some way as she taught me how to play hide and seek. Every night at 7pm on the nose, she dashes to hide until I find her, or I'll be walking and she'll ambush me from a hidden place..... and we go on like that for an hour. I feed her well. She's johns girl though. I love her anyway.

And Lately:
So.....with much editing and leaving many things out, that has been the past year.
Mostly being in-house lately but having discovered some interesting videos....... watching "my ladies" of Asia vloggers, doing their chores, cooking, cleaning, caring for home, being meticulous, clean, aesthetic, gentle, generous, peace keepers of the world, and they have been warming my heart to see them. I wrote about some of them in my previous post. These are the most genuine peace makers of the world, those who are the suns of unseen households, who are life giving, and life elevating beings......the women folk of the world, silently emitting sunlight in quiet places, keeping life and humans and animals in integrity. I love watching them, it helps me to know humanity still lives.

The other thing I've been watching are Chinese and Korean dramas, or drama series. I laugh because I've never done these things in my life. TV watching was for morons and losers, sleepers. Please excuse this harsh criticism, as I had not yet until recently realized the importance of the need for escape....especially for people who experience not just one trauma, but many in their lives. I now see the help it offers to escape from all the memories and symptoms of ptsd, and the physical pains. Every sudden sound caused me to jump and I could not calm down for more than a day after. But I will never accept t.v. as a form of "entertainment" or such, it is still only a necessary escape......like a drug that dulls the pain of the mind.


Yet, now here I am in 2020. sigh.
I'd always earned money and taking care of my body as a bodybuilder, and nutritionist, and being the Light that I am, sprinkling that, and embalming strangers with some peace giving magic from my presence alone. That was my life. A long time ago, seems another lifetime.

Now, however reluctant I was to even watch a video last year, I cannot tell you how much this watching a series has been an easy escape for me, much needed, since my thoughts could only go around my life and experiences, the anomalies and the freaks of nature. And trying to piece this all together in my mind simply didn't work and created more stress and anxiety as nothing made sense. The impossible was happening on a regular basis, I could not tell anyone. I could not work. I could not physically function.....and more......I just could not. NOT. So watching a series from a foreign country gave my mind some stimulus to watching some gorgeous scenery and differing cultures which I always loved. This has been acceptable. Now I even look forward to ending my day by watching a few episodes, as this always puts me to sleep as well. Good all round routines, safe for my body and mind. Another complete belief system gone to hell: "thinking is bad, escaping is good".....I always believed the reverse, "thinking is good, escaping is bad".


I felt like the living dead. And I realized this is what I've been seeing of people on this Earth, this is what most people feel like. I finally feel totally human. No wonder the world is such a sick place. Something vital is missing.....some critical element as important as morals and integrity.....which left only human biology and a terrible sense of futility. I understood many on this earth and the pandemic depressions and suicides. It is terrible. I cannot stay this way, my soul will die, not just my body.

But doing nothing for more than a year and half now, on some levels, I was healing slowly from not just recent events, but many years of damage..... from what I understand now as years of Attrition Warfare tactics against me from invisible sources.
You can think what you like here, the last thing I need is to convince anyone, that would take reporting all the events of my life and no way that will happen. But know this: Millions of people on the Earth are experiencing this if not all....that's right......there are forces at work on people in every way imaginable.