And What Peace and Quiet Do, Is Awaken Ones to Ones True Self

is Returns ones innocence.       


There is nothing so wonderful as innocence.

Innocence and Authenticity......those are the hallmarks of Being.

 

What I can say, for now, is that it is late, it has been long, I have been distracted, even diverted, waylaid and even pushed.....off the Path of Authenticity. It is a zoo ''out there''. A zoo of maddened rabid creatures too far gone into choreographed, charted out programmed social structures, a guaranteed demise.

But I have come too close to my own demise to entertain for even one more moment, the continuance of more breaths taken on the paths I have been waylaid to. I have risen, broken, torn, bleeding, and saddened beyond measure, to rise and continue every future breath on the only possibility for life left, my own path, to fulfill my own Nature.......a Nature created by God, by the only Divine One.

And what Nature would that be, one may ask? It is one I have even in my own (influenced) mind entertained as "whimsical", to my own detriment, or very seriously "the reality of my Self", and on that point of reality I was true to Self. Because the truth of my reality was considered, known and documented very well by every culture in this world, however, ill considered as beings of Legend, or Mythological, I was taught to deny my truth. But what replaced it I asked? And was told to ''just be normal".....watch others and be normal. I did, and was sickened. I was sickened by what I saw, and over time, I became sick in body. I have done everything that was told to me, that was forced upon me, done everything that was normal. I did. I tried. It made me sick, sick of mind and tortured my regal soul.

And the words that lessen ones strength of standing in their truth always comes in language that somehow diminishes that truth...."cute" being one such word, "fanciful" is another. Be wary of those who use such words when you have proclaimed your Truth or who have suspected you of being fanciful in their eyes, and either set them straight with blunt paralyzing corrections, and by this I mean this example of Gandalf the Grey in this moment when confronted by a naysayer defending their own sicknesses.....

or walk away and totally ignore it. Those people are either completely blinded by deep ignorance and/or ingrained fears, or are the waylayers themselves designed to take you away from Authenticity.

There are many kinds of people on this planet, all disguised under the umbrella term of "human".
That term itself being grossly misunderstood, I have learned too often and too often the hardest way, that being "human" means one of two things.....either it is merely the bodies and form we find ourselves in, or it means a quality of being, a being that is elevated in its virtues likened unto a divine quality. And of the latter we see far too little, but it exists....and of the former we see that most are in this ''form'' category. So what is it that occupies this (human) form and what gives us the virtue of being that quality that is divinely human? It depends upon the soul, in my opinion, having or not.

It has been chronicled and spoken about, shown and revealed that there are many beings, many varieties of beings cloaked in this human form. Only some of which are truly human, or of the divine.
I'm sure all reading this have also seen and experienced this "lack of human" behavior over not just generations but eons of time, but have many excuses for this.  However, I am sure now that most are not human in the divine sense, that what occupies the body is a spirit of some thing from some place but not necessarily of the divine.......animals for instance are some such spirits, but even some of those animals are purely of the divine, pure love and we have all seen those too.
I can not belabor this point any further, it is for your own investigations. So I will move on.

What I have known as a living being since I found myself thinking since a child of 4, is that the people around me have all the qualities of being something ''other than myself''. I could never get close to these people. They could call themselves ''family'' and I'd not find the evidence of it....evidence of course which comes in the form of an uncompromising love and care, gentleness and kindness, interest and nurturing, protecting, safety and teachings.  So, these were not family, especially not mine. "Siblings" describes those of the same blood, an empty ridiculous analogy of "family".

So who were these people, and what am I doing here? I knew my own soul, not that I had descriptives for it, I just knew I was this, have always been this and will always be this. I am home in my Self. But these others? I knew nothing about, but what I did see scared me. I thought to give these chaotic circumstances some time, but nothing changed for the better. Buy the time I was 6, I was tired of praying to God to ''take me back home, NOW, to my own family and home!" to no avail. And by this tender age of 6 I have already vowed not to reproduce on this planet, marry, nor own anything involving bureaucracy, or become too attached to anyone here because ''death'' also was not normal.
I have kept my own vows to this day with sobriety and loyalty to my own wisdom.

I have come not only full circle, but have traveled the spirals of time, the linear lines of time, and the circlets of realities, to know that only being true to my Nature is any way to live this life here, for the rest of the time here. A song was sung by the Divine, a harmonious Music of the Spheres and some incredible Beauty was born into existence. And for me, that song, that note, is Nature is itself of Nature......of the Fae.....of the elementals given consciousness and language to human form. And though it is the human parts that are so limiting to the point of madness, it is still my own Nature that must be expressed in what fullness I can, otherwise I suffer a "self imposed" madness. The effects of denial of truth results in becoming warped and pained. Twisting ones self to conform, to blend, to appease, diminishes our great Spirit and we become "other than", and this causes nothing but suffering, frustration and decrepitness. It is far better to let others learn to deal with what is real and to grow in consciousness, than to cause ourselves such pain and crippleness by trying to keep ourselves small and familiar.
My Nature is and always has been of the Fae.

I created this blog as a journal to myself, not knowing, not having a clue what ''blogging'' meant in the cyber world, but it was a little thing I found that was free and easy since typing is faster than writing, and I began writing. And just in case someone could see it, I wrote as if speaking to dear friends. That is all I have in my world.
It became something else however, and I began to conform to the cyber worlds model of what blogging ''meant''. It was fun for a while, but it wasn't fulfilling. "Fulfilling" being a double transaction that involves both the giver and receiver in equal measure. I learned alot from other ladies! Oh what joy to find so many beautiful examples of living, life and home from others who we simply cannot get up and visit, ....with such beautiful pictures of their homes, and projects, their gardens!!!, and their foods, their remodelings, their ideas, their inspirations, etc...all of it has been and is wonderful and I'm so glad I ventured into that world. And I have to be thankful for it also guiding me to be ever truer to my Self again. I loved the remodeling etc but was not all about the remodeling, it had to have meaning, like to express more of what is within me. "Changing things up" had to have purpose, not just because of ,what, 'boredom'? It had to have more energetic meaning, as in Feng Shui principles which is proper placement of objects and things for a harmonious life. It was an internal/external recalibration, not merely a visual stimulant of diversity.
As for homes, I do not understand homes without attached greenhouses for how do you grow plants, vegetable and flowers in the cold? Nor do I understand at all, those who can live without the plants.

Cooking foods means to me that I am eating the most nutritious foods there are in the most flavorful way, not just cooking to eat tasty food and satiating hunger. I eat to keep myself healthy and beautiful, not just to quell a pang. My dishes are beautiful because they contribute, of course, the the dining experience, not to impress visitors.

I could go on an on, but I hope you get the point. There is meaning to what I do, that involves creating harmony and beauty for the spirit and soul. It runs deep, throughout everything in my life.

I have plants not because they are pretty, but because I love them, they are family. I choose the ones that will do well with whatever space and light I have. I keep them alive for years. I plant veggies and herbs because as I said, I want the best this planet has to offer, and plants and herbs are themselves the most healing and nutritive of foods for humanity that exists. I want the best, and the best combinations, to give me the best life and the most beauty, to nurture this divinity that lives in me. And so everything in my life must also nurture this divinity. Everything.

The People of Fae do this. They don't understand others, and they dont' understand themselves with others. I don't understand how people can just fill their stomachs with anything from the stores. I read ingredients to know what I put into my body, and I don't buy things from the insides of stores, only from the parameters which are where the veggies and living foods are stored in refrigerated displays. Eating all that other stuff has gotten me sick and I learned this very well by the time I was 17. I simply could not eat what others including my own family ate. I get sick with chemicals, and so I don't use anything with them. I make all my own products to wear on body and to use in home to clean, and I only use pure essential oils for all of this too. I don't understand those who can use chemicals. Who are they? What are they? Why do these chemicals not also make them sick? Ironic that I am suffering anyway from severe heavy metal poisoning, also from environment, and the dental work of madmen.

All the questions I have had all my life, are all, and I mean ALL answered by one answer, and it is that I am of the Fae, and most others are not. Questions from ''why do I have such deep love of plants are so hurt when others kill them by neglect or sheer stupidity'', or those who hurt animals. Having an uncompromising need for beauty and tidiness. Questions like ''why do people lie so much, what sickness is this and do they not know I see that?'' to questions like ''why are cities such hideous places of death and decay, crowded with ugly forms/structures lacking any creativity, and filled with stink and stench, insanely destroying life and replacing with death?'' ''Why am I so visual and have visions of places that are verdant and alive in the very air of the place? How do I know of such places of such love that lives in every leaf and sparkle of water?''......and "why are others not asking these questions?"
"Why am I such a visionary whose visions of life, knowledge and wisdom could change the condition of humanity and the surface of this planet for the better and yet only sick men get to to manifest their plans for hideousness, death and decay?" I still ask.....Who and what the f*ck are these people?!!

Some precious ones are of the Fae and do not know. They are not allowed to know and they don't stand against the 99% of indoctrination, it is too much work. This is tragic. Some think they are but are not. Just look at what they eat and what they use on their bodies, or if self proclaimed plant people cannot keep plants alive. People of the Fae have abilities, even in this diminished human form.

We are only one type of being on this planet, but within the Fae are many varieties or ''species- within" having this human experience.

I am fine with my revelation, and fine with all the insane responses people have to this. :-)   I have already lived with ridicule from high ignorance and warnings from the religious, all of which comes from those who stink as they are ridden with chemicals, who are sick and wrinkled from a lifetime of eating dead sugar laden foods, who are sophomoric and ornery from many forms of ''lack''......and I should listen to these people? I think not.

So, what is this post about? It is about me returning to my original purpose of chronicling online my journey in this form, sometimes sharing and sometimes not. But I am returning to my Nature, wiser, scarred, and healing slowly, but left with only one choice in life, and that is to be true to my Nature of being Elemental and of the Ancient Wise People of the Fae, of those who love life, the animals, the plants, who love and nurture the living and care for the contents of the mind, regardless of naysayers and their God who sees fit to torment children with pedophiles and call it ''the will of god''.

We harm no living things, and no one, and can, will and do elevate the living from base standards to those of higher living standards fostering great self respect, and great respect for all other living things. We do this with great intensity and skill, whose outcome is always both harmonious to the living and beautiful for the soul, our skills revealing the majesty of True Divine life and love.

I welcome others who are of the Fae to be true to your Self, to the Divine, to the God who created us.

My Little Pleasures of Late, For Irina

So Wonderful Morning to you, my dearest!

I wanted to speak with you as usual, but the hour forbids, and so I decided to write to you, but then there were lots of pics to show what I mean, sooooooo, I decided to make a post and this is for you.
It seems most of ''my posts'' of late are simply emails, so I will try to keep this blog/journal alive by posting what I can here, and others who may be interested in my little life can enjoy something of it too. :-)

I am going through a major healing, and getting into the proper mind set to allow for this seems to be the most challenging. However, I am now in a place of peace and quiet so I am entraining myself to the quiet of this place, and slowly my body is beginning to trust its environment, and so will begin the healing process.....a process that runs deep for so many reasons. I intend to heal because I so want my vivaciousness back. And with that, all of my creativity, that so pleases me, and which shared with others pleases others.

In this place, and by "place" I mean, this climate, this energy, this house, including the history of this place, its measure of time which literally runs slower than other places (against all laws of physicality), the expanses of gentle rolling terrains ancient and green and undisturbed for so long, itself containing a peace that I gain by osmosis.....all contribute to what I mean by ''place''. The spirit or soul of a place, and here one can say it is the "Beatha (ba-ha) " or ''that which sustains us". It just feels so good. And slowly, I am learning to slow myself enough to that pace that begins healing.

Anyway, I am posting a few things, that when I see them bring me joy. They please me and I just want to share.

First, every morning and throughout the day, I am compelled to check in on what ''this place'' is doing, how it feels, how it looks, the winds, the leaves, the skies.....all of it, I am deeply interested in it. It fascinates me.
I have never seen so many leaves, and they alone create a magical whishing sound that sounds like oceans moving or rains falling.
You see, I grew up in New York, a concrete jungle with only token trees planted in rows whose leaves were routinely picked up by city workers. Then I lived in the sub tropics of South Florida, land of flatness and palm trees mostly. So the only times I've encountered the magic of leaves and Autumns is whenever I made the rare trips to upstate New York. There I was also enchanted by Nature in all its glory and fragrance and I could smell the life of Nature there and see so many trees, leaves, and colors. But that was way too long ago. I cannot believe how much I have missed this.

I love the 'backyard' because I've never lived so far from the next thing, as that crown of trees in the distance......a distance which offers me the respect for space I need around me. In between this house and that crown of trees the deer hang out, and where I have seen that same buck sprint across when speaking to you.

I try to keep up with the leaves but I cannot. The dancing is continuous and often I leave them to their frolic, resigned that they are so much bigger than me, and I revel in the sensation of how small I am in the presence of their numbers.

Their stillness also compels me, when I stand at the door and just watch how nothing moves. sigh, bliss!!

Even the shapes of this view pleases me....the house across from us, especially the one in the distance, the row of trees so dense and stout like guardians, and the barn-like fencing. 

The ginkgo biloba tree, has been a star of this whole place. Its golden yellow leaves were shockingly beautiful. 

One morning I was barefoot and walked on the carpet of leaves and its softness beneath my feet was like a caress. I sooo wished I could walk on them forever.You can see the basket where I collected falling leaves?

 






On top of that, ginkgo is medicinal, and I decided to harvest some of the leaves to dry them and make tinctures and teas.

                                                                    

How lucky am I to have such a medical tree right by my window?

Its golden brightness could not be captured, sadly, but this tree is magical!

 

 








And now that the leaves have all fallen from the huge Sycamore in the front east window, the morning light comes in to my room, and it is gorgeous! I love getting up early enough to catch this light.....and where and how it hits my table of crystals.

I finally found the right type of flowers for my bathroom counter. Once again, they are lilies. I found some pale pink ones, just the right size, and they are gorgeous, placed with a motion sensor light that turns on whenever I move towards the door. It illuminates the lilies so perfectly and this sight also causes me to pause in appreciation of beauty.

And two more pleasures of late, the delight me, are the lites we hung around the house,

and the smell of wood that hits me whenever I open the back door.........sigh.....breathe!! deeply!!! smiles........

Because I have left the matrix world of my own accord and efforts, I have developed a freedom or liberation that involves the sense of living in the present, a presence that is not empty, but quietly filled with the moment, rich with currency.

So there you have my little story my friend and those of you who read my little blog, thank you. I hope I have given you pause for pleasure.


Ah! excuse me my friends, but that magical morning illumination is now moving in and I must enjoy it!

So. I Am Back Online, Blogging After 10 months of "Change"

          

   

                                         

Hello Bloglanders....

I don't know what to say......am I speaking to myself as I intended when I began this blog some years ago? Or am I speaking to others. You say different things to self and different to ''others'' you know.

*warning: lots of pics (as usual)

I could not possibly relate even briefly all the things that have been taking place for this long and even before. I could not possibly express the anomalies of life, the changes, the move, the way I must reconfigure my very thinking "patterns", to become someone new, someone better than I was before to cut down on the suffering of my very sensitive self, complete with emotions, morals, ethics, principles, and a desirable degree of OCD, which is only what untidy, unclean people call us. :D

 
You have been missed. I am told I have been missed, and those who inquired, asked, left comments, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being interested in this quirky authentic bloggers posts.

I am no longer in Florida. The torture of those planes no longer an issue. No one so far has any clue what torment I went through these past 5 years with them flying around and round all day over my house. Those little trainer planes, literally up to 50 passes overhead each day, 7 days a week. I cannot express what happened to my nerves, my body, my psyche. There has been damage.

A friend got me out and moved me into her new home with her partner. I live in the upstairs bedroom. I have a large bedroom and a ''closet?" inside it, which is the size of the 'middle room' in the house in Florida. I had no way of moving out on my own due to lack of funds, due to not being able to work due to ailments. A vicious circle.

So I am in Tennessee, in a neighborhood I absolutely love, something I've never experienced before. In fact, the lack of any beauty at all in the neighborhood I just moved out of for 15 years was poignantly ugly which I had noted whenever I went for jogs or walks. I thought (erroneously) it was all my own problem. No. That entire city is ugly.

This neighborhood on the other hand, is sooooo enchanting, it literally pulls me outdoors to walk in it and amongst its beauty and very tall ancient trees, rolling landscape and gentle hills. It speaks to me, and seems to know how much I love it. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS PLACE !!

I want to take pictures all the time and have tried, but the beauty I experience is lost, as only the physical can be seen in photos, whilst I realize I am also feeling the life and consciousness of these ancient trees and hills who serenade me outside, to walk, to marvel, to sigh, to breathe deep, from belly.....for the first time in years.
I sigh often now.

I am also sleeping now throughout the entire night. I thought getting up 5-6 times a night and hearing every sound all night long was normal. It wasn't. I'm told sleep means hearing nothing from this 3D world, being somewhere else in consciousness and that is how the body rests and heals. All. Night. Long.
I am sleeping now. Often 11-12 hours. I marvel at this too.

There is a quiet here that is sacred to me. I see that others walk through it as if it is normal. They don't sense it, relish in it, do the backstroke in it! They simply move about self absorbed. The silence here is alive!....its compelling! It is magical! It is sacred, it is healing, it is nourishing, it is a friend, who holds me, cradles me at all the right times. It is there whenever I need it and I need it often. She is always there.

I am here since July 27th. A momentous day where it was noted my life was literally saved. I didn't know if I'd survive after the move. I literally felt like I was dying. Because I was. One of the ailments is heavy metal poisoning. Don't know how I got that, but I suspect from air, food and water. Never mind that from the age of 17 I was devoted to being organic, athletic and healthy specifically to take care of my body to not be sick but to be healthy. So this poison was not my doing but from the environments. Anyway, I have been to a clinical nutritionist, am on special supplements which are helping pull metals out and incrementally I am getting better. My soul is still here and it seems I am still trying to live well.

As I type, the window is open and from the giant 40ft. Sycamore tree outside of my treehouse like bedroom windows, I hear the rustling that sounds like the waves of the ocean. It is not just some noise the winds makes with leaves. It is a magical enticing ebb and flow......a call of the elements for me to pay attention and pay attention I do.....it captures me from whatever I am doing to observe and listen.....to its beauty, its playfulness, its dance. I listen. I marvel at its beauty, and I too dance inside because my spirit is connected to nature so deeply I can't avoid joining in the play.

The colors are changing too. The trees change colors.....marvel of marvels is the fact that we do have so many trees here, unlike the subtropics of south Florida where there is only one and a half seasons, which is very hot and very humid to hot and humid and no much needed seasonal diversity.

There are real trees here, real landscapes, real land with soil beneath and animals. We have deer who run around this land the way birds fly in the air. They couldn't care less for the cars driving by them, but seeing someone walking which is rare, they flee. But they are many, and lovely, and I am enthralled with the Nature of this place which still holds a bit of wild magic and mildly bucolic terrain that is healthy for a real humans' spirit. I see layers of topography, layers! Some lower than others in the distance. The eyes move and rest on distance vistas, because the higher levels of trees in the distance give the eyes a place to travel....my eyes love traveling here!

We have fog! The beautiful mystical moving fog, whose presence informs us that everything we see is dependent on light and water. The fog owns the night and early mornings. I am so blessed to see it.

This "place" feels normal. It is so much like a place I have always imagined as being 'normal'. I wonder what my life would be like, who I would be if I had known such a place as this, and the friendly helpful nature of these southern people if I had grown up in such a place. I miss that.

There is a beauty here that suits me. I realize it escapes others, but me...... I am in awe of it. I did grow up in New York City and so this suburb of Natural green hills, is magic for me. I am closer to perfection. I actually crave more country, more land, more vistas, less people, less stuff. One day.

I will share some pics I have been taking for a friend of mine, Irina. They will show my room, this house, some of the views. I am not yet well enough to venture further but I have no desire to. There is much to heal from, a lifetime, and this place may be just what I need. Time will tell.


 I took this picture of the window in the west on a foggy morning. Sunset plays with its light in my room so magically.

My friend Irina, photoshopped it a bit.......

 Standing at the front door.....on a foggy morning.......

 



 This is a sunny morning.....at the front door. I open the front door for the light. There is a glass door we keep closed, but it lets in so much morning beauty !

     

This is the view standing on the back porch.......foggy morning, and sunny........

       

Here are my rooms........

one of the things I treated myself to was a fireplace heater.....it looks good and works beautifully now that I live in a place that needs some heat......

The mantle changes. Now I keep wine decanters on there, it a shame to hide the beautiful glassware. For Christmas, I will add fresh greens and lights.

The eastern window and morning light.....comes in to my rooms and plays on my vanity and linens.....

I have another layer of curtain to keep this alcove window as a separate space. Its beautiful !

Both curtains pulled back..........

My closet/kitchenette/craft room......it has to be alot, but it is growing on me despite its clutter.

This room changes as I keep tweaking my needs that must be kept in 2 rooms........
The small refrigerator has been a lifesaver, saving me trips up and down the stairs!

my kitchenette...........and mini menu chalk board, a new find from Michaels, $4.00.....love!

I'm glad I never got rid of the winter boots I had from Living in New York!

my bed which takes up no space in this large room covered in Eastern European hand made linen....... I love the space sooooo much !

The eastern window area..........

 That is all for now. You have seen where I live and how I live in two rooms. I have a very much simpler life. Much has changed and still to change. But healing is the only priority.
Blessings.

This Year, I'm Going for Outrageous LOVE

Hello Ladies....

A message to myself and I share for those who may be sparked in kind.

This Year, I'm going for love, everything love.......

I want to be surrounded in my life by truly loving people. And I don't mean "polite" people who act like they have love, or even nice people. I'm going for loving people who feel love in the depths of their hearts and soul and whose warmth of that living love is felt as a force of life within you.

These people share with everyone....know what it means to love and be loved, that timeless feeling of being cradled in sublimity in every moment. Only some people can make you feel that. They possess love. And they give it. I want those people around me, only those people.

I'm a loving person myself. All who come into my circle of life, be it home, in person or online will feel it and they will be my friend in love always. All of life is ensconced in this love, and when all of life is laced with love it is bearable for all. There is less suffering and less loneliness for all.

 

But I'm not just going for love.......I'm going for outrageous love! The kind of love that changes realities in a beat of that loving heart. The kind of love that catches your breath. The kind of love that makes you feel God is in your presence! The kind of love that reinvigorates a joy de vivre.
The kind of love that heals. The kind of love that brings people together with smiles that hurt your cheeks.

The kind of love that brings you to your knees.

 



I'm talking about bold, radical, love. Its not shy, it doesn't hold back, it is not timid, it is confident and out of the woods, fully mature and developed and ready to take on the world.

I'm talking about the kind of love that no longer accepts mediocrity for standards, who throw off the mantle of the mundane and who make great and bold moves in their lives for love and beloved.

People who do not want to sit around waiting, people who make things happen. People who make not just waves but tsunamis.
I love those people, even when they are making tidal waves in desperate pleas to people to support growing trees around the world to keep life on this planet alive and thriving.

I'm talking about the kind of love that grabs you by the hand (or ear if necessary) and drags you out of your hiding, out of your shell, out of your cave and out of your mind.....to find reality in the place of all of our dreams.

We all want to find love, to be loved and love in return. Sometimes we have to let it all out, not hold back, and use up every precious drop of love to feel alive.

I want to feel more alive. And I want others around me to come alive.


I want the suffering to stop.

And NO, suffering is not Gods plan.

Love is the force of life, of all good things that living beings thrive in, and is something that is given and taken. It is good, and more of it is better.

This year, I'm going for radical, outrageous, bold Love. Make way.

This year, I'm not settling.

This year I bury lame, weak, tame, shy, reserved, and especially politically correct.

But I cant do this alone.




What if we all did this?