Hello Bloglanders....
I don't know what to say......am I speaking to myself as I intended when I began this blog some years ago? Or am I speaking to others. You say different things to self and different to ''others'' you know.
*warning: lots of pics (as usual)
I could not possibly relate even briefly all the things that have been taking place for this long and even before. I could not possibly express the anomalies of life, the changes, the move, the way I must reconfigure my very thinking "patterns", to become someone new, someone better than I was before to cut down on the suffering of my very sensitive self, complete with emotions, morals, ethics, principles, and a desirable degree of OCD, which is only what untidy, unclean people call us. :D
You have been missed. I am told I have been missed, and those who inquired, asked, left comments, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being interested in this quirky authentic bloggers posts.
I am no longer in Florida. The torture of those planes no longer an issue. No one so far has any clue what torment I went through these past 5 years with them flying around and round all day over my house. Those little trainer planes, literally up to 50 passes overhead each day, 7 days a week. I cannot express what happened to my nerves, my body, my psyche. There has been damage.
A friend got me out and moved me into her new home with her partner. I live in the upstairs bedroom. I have a large bedroom and a ''closet?" inside it, which is the size of the 'middle room' in the house in Florida. I had no way of moving out on my own due to lack of funds, due to not being able to work due to ailments. A vicious circle.
So I am in Tennessee, in a neighborhood I absolutely love, something I've never experienced before. In fact, the lack of any beauty at all in the neighborhood I just moved out of for 15 years was poignantly ugly which I had noted whenever I went for jogs or walks. I thought (erroneously) it was all my own problem. No. That entire city is ugly.
This neighborhood on the other hand, is sooooo enchanting, it literally pulls me outdoors to walk in it and amongst its beauty and very tall ancient trees, rolling landscape and gentle hills. It speaks to me, and seems to know how much I love it. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS PLACE !!
I want to take pictures all the time and have tried, but the beauty I experience is lost, as only the physical can be seen in photos, whilst I realize I am also feeling the life and consciousness of these ancient trees and hills who serenade me outside, to walk, to marvel, to sigh, to breathe deep, from belly.....for the first time in years.
I sigh often now.
I am also sleeping now throughout the entire night. I thought getting up 5-6 times a night and hearing every sound all night long was normal. It wasn't. I'm told sleep means hearing nothing from this 3D world, being somewhere else in consciousness and that is how the body rests and heals. All. Night. Long.
I am sleeping now. Often 11-12 hours. I marvel at this too.
There is a quiet here that is sacred to me. I see that others walk through it as if it is normal. They don't sense it, relish in it, do the backstroke in it! They simply move about self absorbed. The silence here is alive!....its compelling! It is magical! It is sacred, it is healing, it is nourishing, it is a friend, who holds me, cradles me at all the right times. It is there whenever I need it and I need it often. She is always there.
I am here since July 27th. A momentous day where it was noted my life was literally saved. I didn't know if I'd survive after the move. I literally felt like I was dying. Because I was. One of the ailments is heavy metal poisoning. Don't know how I got that, but I suspect from air, food and water. Never mind that from the age of 17 I was devoted to being organic, athletic and healthy specifically to take care of my body to not be sick but to be healthy. So this poison was not my doing but from the environments. Anyway, I have been to a clinical nutritionist, am on special supplements which are helping pull metals out and incrementally I am getting better. My soul is still here and it seems I am still trying to live well.
As I type, the window is open and from the giant 40ft. Sycamore tree outside of my treehouse like bedroom windows, I hear the rustling that sounds like the waves of the ocean. It is not just some noise the winds makes with leaves. It is a magical enticing ebb and flow......a call of the elements for me to pay attention and pay attention I do.....it captures me from whatever I am doing to observe and listen.....to its beauty, its playfulness, its dance. I listen. I marvel at its beauty, and I too dance inside because my spirit is connected to nature so deeply I can't avoid joining in the play.
The colors are changing too. The trees change colors.....marvel of marvels is the fact that we do have so many trees here, unlike the subtropics of south Florida where there is only one and a half seasons, which is very hot and very humid to hot and humid and no much needed seasonal diversity.
There are real trees here, real landscapes, real land with soil beneath and animals. We have deer who run around this land the way birds fly in the air. They couldn't care less for the cars driving by them, but seeing someone walking which is rare, they flee. But they are many, and lovely, and I am enthralled with the Nature of this place which still holds a bit of wild magic and mildly bucolic terrain that is healthy for a real humans' spirit. I see layers of topography, layers! Some lower than others in the distance. The eyes move and rest on distance vistas, because the higher levels of trees in the distance give the eyes a place to travel....my eyes love traveling here!
We have fog! The beautiful mystical moving fog, whose presence informs us that everything we see is dependent on light and water. The fog owns the night and early mornings. I am so blessed to see it.
This "place" feels normal. It is so much like a place I have always imagined as being 'normal'. I wonder what my life would be like, who I would be if I had known such a place as this, and the friendly helpful nature of these southern people if I had grown up in such a place. I miss that.
There is a beauty here that suits me. I realize it escapes others, but me...... I am in awe of it. I did grow up in New York City and so this suburb of Natural green hills, is magic for me. I am closer to perfection. I actually crave more country, more land, more vistas, less people, less stuff. One day.
I will share some pics I have been taking for a friend of mine, Irina. They will show my room, this house, some of the views. I am not yet well enough to venture further but I have no desire to. There is much to heal from, a lifetime, and this place may be just what I need. Time will tell.
I took this picture of the window in the west on a foggy morning. Sunset plays with its light in my room so magically.
My friend Irina, photoshopped it a bit.......
Standing at the front door.....on a foggy morning.......
This is a sunny morning.....at the front door. I open the front door for the light. There is a glass door we keep closed, but it lets in so much morning beauty !
This is the view standing on the back porch.......foggy morning, and sunny........
Here are my rooms........
one of the things I treated myself to was a fireplace heater.....it looks good and works beautifully now that I live in a place that needs some heat......
The mantle changes. Now I keep wine decanters on there, it a shame to hide the beautiful glassware. For Christmas, I will add fresh greens and lights.
The eastern window and morning light.....comes in to my rooms and plays on my vanity and linens.....
I have another layer of curtain to keep this alcove window as a separate space. Its beautiful !
Both curtains pulled back..........
My closet/kitchenette/craft room......it has to be alot, but it is growing on me despite its clutter.
This room changes as I keep tweaking my needs that must be kept in 2 rooms........
The small refrigerator has been a lifesaver, saving me trips up and down the stairs!
my kitchenette...........and mini menu chalk board, a new find from Michaels, $4.00.....love!
I'm glad I never got rid of the winter boots I had from Living in New York!
my bed which takes up no space in this large room covered in Eastern European hand made linen....... I love the space sooooo much !
The eastern window area..........
That is all for now. You have seen where I live and how I live in two rooms. I have a very much simpler life. Much has changed and still to change. But healing is the only priority.
Blessings.
